"Halmunee" ("Grandma" in Korean)

I visited my halmunee this past weekend. Her name is Gil-Lim and she is almost 90 years old. “I was born in the city of Gilim.” said grandma. “Halmunee, isn’t that your name?” I learned this weekend, that her grandfather gave her that name because she was born in a city named Gilim (Guilin? Kilim? Eh…somewhere in China….). She grew up in China. At a late age, 18ish, she married my grandfather, who was another Korean immigrant living in China. She had never met him until their wedding day. Grandpa apparently sneaked out the family carriage to her town, to take a peek at his bride-to-be, just in case…….He must’ve liked what he saw J

I’ve always felt alone. Who truly understands what i'm going through, or the lingering unhappiness that lies with watching a loved one slowly. ever so slowly deteriorate? Rheumatoid Arthritis. I hate you. Google it, there is no cure. It is a degenerative disease, and progresses rapidly when untreated -- a disabling disease. 4 years ago, my mom chose not to take any drugs nor get any medical help. Her RA progressed severely; she was bedridden within a year. Fingers = all bent & deformed. Weight = less than mine. Legs = as skinny as my arms. Knees = bigger than melons. She was in pain every minute of every day.  My very own mommy was dying.

“The last time I saw her, before you came, was in the summer. She was lying on her side. She even ate, lying on her side. I tried to rub her knees because it was so swollen. She cried in pain and wouldn’t let me touch her.  I came back home that night, and decided to give up all hope. Since then… I would be visiting with friends and everyone would be laughing….but I couldn’t feel completely happy. That’s when you came to Korea.” –halmunee.

Was there hope? I held on to God. He was my only hope. He created her – her bones, hands, knees, joints, muscles…He could fix her. And if there was a reason for her to never get better… well then, I had to spend at least a few years close to her. Be a source of joy to her.

“Michael, what do you think of moving to Korea for a while?”  “Sure, Let’s go!”

and I left everything that I knew, and just about gave away everything that was ours. The stable job I had for 4 years. The home we lived in for almost 6 years. And the belongings we’ve accumulated in it. Both our cars that were already paid off. The friends we had made. Our loving church family. The comfortable Texas life....well...okay let's switch those words around a bit - Texas Comfort food.  Everything I knew my whole adult life (and the few years prior to). With Michael’s graduate studies put on hold, we made the decision to be closer to mom. To help my brother and my father. To go through this time together (and a few selfish reasons too I admit). Yet deep in my heart, I truly had faith that God will make her well. With that faith, we made the blind jump off to Korea. 

“Halmunee, that’s exactly how I felt. Deep down, I could not be 100% happy either. Whenever I’d be having fun w/ friends and laughing w/ them, -- I knew that in Korea, umma (mom) was in pain… I never thought anyone would ever be able to know what I’m going through; and… you do. I’m so glad I came to Korea. I’m so glad I came to see you this weekend.”

She held my hands. She combed my hair. We talked for a very long time. She’s her mommy. I’m her daughter.  The time w/ grandma was so special. It was like we had a connection, made deeper through this painful, heart wrenching situation. Something I can cherish forever. Wasn’t this one of the reasons why I came to Korea? Time with grandma I would’ve never had unless I made that jump……

interesting fact: she had my mom at age 29. my mom had me at age 29.  

visit ur loved ones,
- YJ

*Thanks babe, for making that blind jump with me & for loving my family as your own. I’d be lost w/o you.*